A Prankster Pranked
by black4minister
Summary: A story I started in the very beginings of my fanfic writing, but have only just finished. The Marauders find themselves getting a taste of their own medicine, but who's to blame? Now finished and complete, yey!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Lol, I can't believe I finally finished this! It was the first fic I ever wrote, and I posted it on a different site, never finished it, and abandoned that site in favour of this one. About three years later and I'm finally done!**

**Personally this has always been one of my fav fics, so I hope you feel the same way, and do tell me. It's a four chapter story, plus an epilogue, and it's complete, so I'll probably post a chapter every few days.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise, and if anyone finds my mind in there, I'd be grateful, I seem to have lost it ;-) **

Green hair, red faces, and yet another Sirius Black joke

Remus rolled over under his covers, slowly opening his eyes to stare at his bedside clock. As usual it read 7.30. Remus never needed an alarm clock. His three best friends, however, were another matter. He looked around for them, as he sat up. He could just see Peter's dirty blond hair sticking up from a nest of blankets. On the other side of the room, James and Sirius could also barely be seen under their covers, however, what part of them was on view was looking a little odd this morning........

James sat up groggily, awoken by the sound of hysterical laughter. Looking around he saw Remus rolling around on his bed, clutching his sides.

"Moony?" James blinked, placing his glasses on his nose, "What's going on?"

The young prefect was trying, and failing, to calm down. Unable to speak, he pointed over to the now stirring mass of Sirius. James looked over, still blinking, and let out a snort of laughter. In place of Sirius' usual jet black hair was a head of green locks, streaked through with silver. The Slytherin colours. James rolled over, helpless with laughter, just as Sirius sat up.

Half asleep, Sirius' eyes focused on the still laughing Remus. "Moony......what the..?" He blinked. Laughing harder still, he was sure to break a rib, Remus pointed at James, who failed to notice. Sirius let out his distinctive bark of laughter at the sight of James, also sporting green and silver hair.

All the noise finally woke Peter, who sat up, glanced around, looking confused, before joining in the laughter. This continued for several seconds before something clicked for James and Sirius.

James sat up, stifling his chuckles, "Ah, Padfoot, what are you laughing at?"

"What are _you_ laughing at?" replied a sobering Sirius.

Silently James picked up a mirror from his bedside table and handed it to his friend, "Nice hair-do, Pads" he grinned, not unkindly.

Sirius stared t the mirror for a moment, looking shocked, before a grin, the twin of James', spread across his face, as he handed back the looking glass, "I could say the same for you, mate"

James glanced in the mirror, and froze. His face was confused for a second, "But Moony...." James and Sirius both turned to look at their friend, who was now helpless with laughter, clutching his sides with tears in his eyes. The two boys looked at Remus for a moment, before grinning mischievously at eachother and jumping off their beds, onto Remus'.

"Oh!" cried Sirius, pinning Remus down, "So Moony thinks it's so funny, does he? Maybe he'd like us to change his hair colour too, eh, Prongs?"

"Yeah, Padfoot. Maybe Moony would like orange and purple hair, would you Moony?" laughed James, pointing his wand at the pinned boy.

"Mercy, mercy!" laughed Remus, trying and failing to fight them off, "I'll do anything"

"Well" pondered Sirius, as he let go of his friend, "Maybe if you returned our beautiful hair to it's normal colour, we might be inclined to forgive you"

"Okay, okay" Remus sat up, calming down and looking critically at the two boys, "I presume it's a simple colouring charm of some kind. A counter charm for undoing should fix it" he reached over for his wand, "Hold still" The two boys closed their eyes as the young man muttered "Solvos Ingumus" Nothing happened.

"Did it work?" quizzed Sirius, putting a hand to his hair.

"No" frowned Remus, thinking hard. He knew several counter charms, but only one for this sort of spell, which had just failed.

"Well, how are we going to fix it?" asked James, who was finding this less amusing by the second, "Padfoot and I have a Quidditch match tomorrow – against Slytherin! We can't turn up like this!"

"Never mind tomorrow" cut in Sirius, "We can't go to class like this – it'd be totally against our principles"

"Well, I don't know a counter charm for it, so we'll have to go to Flitwick" Remus informed them.

James and Sirius, their minds now on walking around school with green hair, jumped off Remus' bed and grabbed their robes.

"Come on, Moony, Wormtail" urged James, also grabbing his invisibility cloak, so the boys could walk to Flitwick's office unseen by any early risers.

Remus and Peter groaned as they pulled on their own robes, opposed to being dragged around the castle by their pranked friends.

Two minutes later, the Marauders, with James and Sirius under the cloak, were hurrying down the charms corridor. James pulled off the cloak, just as Remus knocked on Flitwick's door. It opened, revealing the tiny Professor peering up at them.

"Boys, it's very early for you. What is it I can do – ah, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, what's happened to you?"

"We're going to find out, Professor, trust me" James' voice held a hint of menace, "But can you help, sir?"

Prof. Flitwick looked at the two boys. Mischief makers they might be, but they always had a smile and he had a bit of a soft spot for them. Really most of the teachers did. "Of course, boys, come in" the short man turned back into his office, speaking to some one out of sight, "Miss Evans, we can continue this conversation tomorrow, if you don't mind. I have a bit of a charms emergency, I'm afraid"

As the Marauders entered the office, to James' horror, a very pretty, red-haired girl stood up from a chair in front of the desk. "Of course, Professor" she said, looking up, "I'll…......." She looked at the four boys. Remus was dutifully trying not to laugh, as James attempted, unsuccessfully, to hide himself behind Sirius. Rather then registering shock, however, Lily merely smiled, "Nice hair-dos, Potter, Black – suits you" With that she swept past them, still smiling. James let out a pained groan.

Sirius looked put out, "Evans better not say anything. We don't need this getting out"

"Don't worry" answered a now composed Remus, "Lily might not like you, but she isn't spiteful"

Flitwick had been looking on in amusement. Now he clapped his hands together, "So, boys, how about we clean this little mess up, eh?" Sirius and James nodded enthusiastically.

Just a couple of minutes later, the four boys were walking back down the charms corridor, James and Sirius' hair mercifully returned to black.

"We might as well go down to breakfast at this rate" said Remus, looking at his watch, not bothering to stifle a yawn.

"Never mind breakfast" James scowled, "We need to get onto more pressing items, such as who the hell charmed our hair green and silver!"

"Well, it had to be a Slytherin" reasoned Sirius, "Personally, I'm all for just pranking the whole house and being done with it"

"No" replied James. His friends could tell this had been a blow to his ego, "I want to get whoever did this personally. It won't take long to get the information we need"

Just at this moment, as the Marauders walked across the entrance hall, the Slytherin Quidditch team walked in from outside. They were returning from an early morning practice in anticipation of the upcoming match. Among them was Sirius' younger brother, Regulus. He played Seeker; Sirius himself played Beater.

As they passed, each party glaring at the other, Regulus addressed his brother, "Sure you're beating for the right team, bro? Black looks so much better with green and silver" His comment drew laughs from his team mates. Sirius, however, did not respond. He stopped abruptly, staring, somewhat stunned, at the retreating back of his brother. James was mimicking his actions.

"You don't think......" started Remus.

"Of course!" Sirius half shouted, "This is exactly the kind of thing they'd do, right before a big match - try to psych us out. Well, two can play at that game, right Prongs?"

"Right" confirmed James. As they finally sat down to breakfast, they all put their heads together to begin forming a plan.

Their continued plotting resulted in the four boys being even less attentive in classes then they usually were, (well, Remus was usually attentive, but today he got dragged into the conversation too much to take notes) They gained several reprimands and lost 30 points for Gryffindor, but by lunch time they had masterminded the perfect revenge prank.

"Okay" James organised, "Moony, Wormtail, you put phase one into operation this afternoon, while Padfoot and I are at Quidditch practise. We'll all meet up afterwards"

Everyone nodded, as the bell for afternoon classes rang out.

**A/N: So? Do you guys like it? It's probably a little different to how I write now, as this is one of the original chapters, that was written a good while ago. But do drop me a line, good or bad, I live for feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks so much to the people who reviewed, it's so appreciated! And here's the next chapter – this one features some Quidditch, yey!**

**Disclaimer – Nopedy nope! **

Stunned brothers, wild parties and walking on air

James and Sirius strolled through the main doors, into the Entrance Hall. They had their brooms over their shoulders and had yet to change out of their Quidditch robes. James' Captain badge was pinned proudly to his chest. As they entered they were joined by Remus and Peter, who appeared to have just come from the dungeons.

"Hey" greeted James, "You got it?"

"Yeah" replied Remus, "Took ages, only just got it now. But you'll never guess what it is"

"What?" quizzed a curious Sirius, "It can't be any worse then the last time. I really thought we were having our leg pulled when they said 'Slytherin rules, Gryffindor drools'"

"Well, it is worse, now it's..." Remus lowered his voice and took a quick look around the deserted corridor they had wandered into from the Entrance Hall, "'I hate the Marauders'"

James and Sirius glanced at eachother and burst out laughing.

"It's so nice to be mentioned by name" laughed James, "And it's very fitting – considering what we're about to do"

"Yeah" chuckled Sirius, "But after food – I'm starving after all that training. Our Captain is some hard drill master, you know Moony. Really mean"

The boys laughed once more as James feigned a hurt expression and punched Sirius on the arm. Still grinning, they all headed towards the Great Hall for dinner.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

"Ouch! You stood on my foot!"

"Yeah, well, there ain't a lot of room under here any more, Moony. I'm not sure the cloak was designed for three fully grown men – well, two men and a werewolf"

"Shut up, Padfoot! God, do you want the whole castle to know?"

It was 11.45 on Friday night. The Marauders had waited until the common room was empty, James shooing the rest of his team to an early bed, then snuck out under the invisibility cloak. Three of them were now heading down, using little known short cuts, to the dungeons.

They stopped in front of what looked like a solid stone wall. There was a squeak and suddenly Peter was standing beside where James had thrown the cloak off.

"All clear?" asked Remus.

"Yes" replied Peter, "Em, how do we know the Slytherin team will still be up? James made his team go to bed hours ago"

Sirius sighed, "We told you, Wormtail. Smyth always had a late night run through tactics with his team before a big match. There won't be any one else in there. So we go in under the cloak. We all have our targets, stun them as quickly and quietly as possible, right?"

"Pads, are you sure you're okay with you brother getting stunned?" asked James, slightly concernedly.

"Yeah, sure" Sirius gave an easy smile – a little too easy, "But I'll let you do the honours, Prongs"

James nodded. He could read his best friend like a book. Sirius mightn't mind his brother being stunned, but he wouldn't go so far as to do it himself. After all, he was still his baby brother.

"Okay" Remus spoke softly, "On the count of three, we go in quickly and quietly. One, two.....three – 'I hate the Marauders'"

The wall before them disappeared and the boys moved in swiftly. The Slytherin Quidditch team had all turned to see who had opened the wall. They never saw the stunning spells coming.

"Okay" said James, taking control, "Levitation spells, we need to get them out of here fast. The map all clear, Moony?"

"All clear up to the Great Hall" replied Remus, "I'll keep my eye on it"

The four boys levitated the Slytherins out of the wall and up the corridor. James, Sirius and Peter were all floating two players each. Remus had one and was watching the map carefully.

"Where's Filch?" asked Sirius as they started climbing the stairs.

"In his office" answered Remus absently, "And that cat is with him"

"Oh that damn cat" growled James, "I'm sure that thing can see through invisibility cloaks. I swear its eyes follow us when we walk by"

"Well, it was Moony who wouldn't let me chase her away – or eat her" commented Sirius, allowing Smyth's head to hit the ceiling at the top of the staircase.

"Yeah well, Padfoot" replied Remus, one eye still on the map, "I didn't think the school would take kindly to stray dogs chasing cats through the corridors. You don't want to get sent to a pet shop and sold, now do you?"

Sirius gave a non committal grunt as they reached the Entrance Hall. Quickly James opened the doors to the Great Hall, his two players eerily following him into the now dark room.

"Lumos" all the boys muttered. Remus put down his stunned player and quickly lit a handful of floating candles over the Slytherin table. James, Sirius and Peter all dumped their charges unceremoniously on the ground as Sirius asked "Do you have the other stuff, Prongs?"

"Yeah, have it here" James took an impossibly small bag out of his pocket, spoke a word and placed it on the ground, as it began to grow to a normal size. Opening it he passed out empty bottles of butter-beer, some Slytherin scarves and badges, and a large banner that, when unfurled, read 'Gryffindor sucks'

"It pained me to write it" joked Remus, admiring his handy work as James and Sirius charmed the banner to hang above the table. The boys then set about sitting the Slytherin team members on the benches, putting an empty bottle in each of their hands, and scattering the rest around the hall. Sirius also produced some streamers which were liberally thrown around. When they were done, the Hall looked like the site of a small, but wild, party. The Marauders grinned.

"Now, for the finishing touch" said James, as he produced a wireless out of the bag. The boys threw the cloak back over themselves and Sirius tapped the wireless with his wand. Instantly deafening rock music filled the hall, echoing off the high walls.

"Let's go" mouthed Remus to the others. They quickly moved out off the door and, by-passing the Great Staircase, they took a less known route back to Gryffindor tower, and bed.

When the boys went down to breakfast the next morning, Sirius and James were greeted with the usual cheers from the Gryffindor table. Today's was an important and much anticipated match. However, in addition to the cheers there was an unusual amount of whispering running up and down the four house tables.

"What's up?" James innocently asked a boy named Johnathon Boot, as he grabbed a slice of toast.

"There's a rumour going round that the entire Slytherin Quidditch team got detention last night for being out past curfew" supplied Johnathon.

"No way" James couldn't help but grin as he watched Sirius hide his face behind his own piece of toast.

"What the....?" came from a girl opposite them at the Ravenclaw table. She was holding something, "There was an empty butter-beer bottle under my seat"

The Marauders gave up. Ducking under the table, they burst out laughing, earning confused and nervous looks from their fellow students.

Before the rest of the school had finished eating, James called for the team to follow him down to the pitch, Remus and Peter wishing them good luck as they left.

Though James and Sirius had expected trouble from the Slytherins, who would of course know who was responsible for the prank, the changing room was quiet. The team got ready, listened to James' pep talk, with in-put by Sirius, waited for James to stop threatening to throw Sirius off the team, and walked out onto the pitch to tumultuous cheers, and boos, from the crowd. James plastered a huge grin on his face as the Slytherin Captain, Smyth, attempted to break his hand without anyone noticing. Then the whistle blew, the crowd roared and 14 players shot into the air.

Simply put, it was the dirtiest Quidditch game in Hogwart's history. The Slytherin team were determined to get back at the Marauders, whatever way they could. The Gryffindors responded and gave as good as they got. After twenty minutes the score was 50-30 to Gryffindor, and there had been 27 fouls committed, or rather, caught. Of the fifty points, James had scored 40 and Sirius had committed 11 of the fouls. Pranksters and messers they may have been, but they took their Quidditch seriously. Then again, if there was fun to be had........

Sirius paused in chasing a bludger to send at Regulus, to look over the match. Near the Slytherin goal posts, James was talking to the Slytherin keeper. James, rather then sitting on his broom, was standing on it, showing off his expert balance. Sirius grinned, imagining what his friend was saying to the keeper, who appeared to be getting angrier and angrier. Sirius saw James make one more comment and turn to fly off. As if in slow motion, he watched is horror as the the keeper snapped, pulling back his fist and firing it into James' face.

James Potter was a pure blood wizard. It wasn't something he bragged about or even advertised, but he didn't know much about muggle fighting. James Potter never saw that punch coming. He saw the fist, just as it hit him. He heard the crowd scream, and felt the broomstick shoot out from under his feet. He felt as if he was walking on air for just a second, 'til he fell, stunned, to the ground, and into blackness.

**A/N: Oh no! What's happened to our poor Jamesie?! As always, thanks for reading, and do drop a comment, so I know I'm amusing someone!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey hey hey, I'm back! A little late cause I can't really update in college, what with having really bad internet and all. So this is the next one, with poor hurtsie James awaking and – well, I'll let you read and find out...... **

**Oh anyone who's read my story about passing notes in class will notice that sorta used here It was through a series of events that it ended up in here but it'll make total sense without having read it.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, nope, nope**

The Big Bang Theory

"That was the funniest thing I've ever seen"

"Padfoot, James fell thirty feet off his broom. He could have killed himself"

"Not that, what happened after. Anyway, he's fine – ain't you, Prongs?"

James felt someone slap his shoulder.

"Padfoot! Don't hit him" came a reproachful voice.

James groaned, he hurt all over.

"Hey, he's waking up. Prongs, mate, can you hear me?"

"James, open your eyes"

James complied. Everything was fuzzy, but his head seemed to be working a little faster. "Where are my glasses?" he asked, propping himself up on his pillows, his muscles aching. Sirius handed them to him and the worried faces of his three best friends came into focus.

"How are you feeling, Prongs?" asked Remus.

"Like I took a swan dive off North Tower" replied James, rubbing his head, "What happened?"

"Well" started Remus, "I presume you remember Lestrange punching you?" James nodded, then regretted it and winced.

"Well, he punches like a girl, mate, didn't even break your nose" cut in Sirius, once more punching James on the arm. His worried expression had disappeared once he'd seen his best friend was okay.

"Padfoot" Remus sounded reproachful again, "Lestrange mightn't have broken his nose but the fall broke his wrist, his ankle and three ribs. I think that's enough"

"I agree" said James, wincing again, "So what happened after I fell?" For the first time he looked at the three of them properly, "And why do you guys look like you've been in a fight without me? Is that a black eye, Padfoot?"

"Yeah, well, as I was saying" continued Remus, who was also looking dishevelled, "You fell off your broom, and some of the team tried to catch you but you'd already gone too far. So everyone just kinda sat there while some of the teachers stretchered you off and McGonigal dragged Lestrange away. Well, then Smyth started laughing and Sirius punched him and it kinda escalated into an all out riot between the Slytherin and Gryffindor crowds. There was hexes flying everywhere, and there was only a few teachers left so they couldn't control it. In the end, McGonigal came back and stopped it. She and the prefects are still down there, sorting it out"

"So how come you're not down there, prefect-boy?" teased James.

"Well" Remus reddened slightly, "I couldn't leave you up here with these two, could I?"

"Yeah" smirked Sirius, "And it could have something to do with the fact that McGonigal told him he couldn't help because he was involved I the first place"

"Well, I'm sure her and Lily can manage without me" said a slightly flustered Remus.

James, who had started laughing, stopped abruptly, "Is Lily alright? She wasn't hurt, was she?"

The other three boys rolled their eyes. "Thanks for your concern, mate. Sure, we weren't hurt fighting for your honour – no honestly, don't worry about us" Sirius dramatically held a hand to his head. Then, seeing James' unamused face quickly added, "She's fine, mate. Busy separating rowing students when we left"

"Yeah. She's also fit to kill you" said Remus.

"Why?" asked James, "I didn't even do anything this time. I was an innocent vic-"

The door to the Hospital Wing opened, cutting off James, and in walked a beautiful red haired, green eyed, 16 year old. Lily stopped when she saw James sitting up in bed. "Oh Potter" she faltered, "You're awake. Well, I.....I just came to check you were alright" She looked very embarrassed, and a little guilty as James winced, having jumped slightly when she walked in. "Well, I can see you are okay, ehm, yeah, so...."

"How's it going down on the pitch, Lily?" Remus asked, tactfully filling the gap that a stunned James certainly wasn't going to.

"Ehm" Lily was caught by James, Sirius and Peter, who were all staring at her like she had three heads, "Yeah, I think it's okay now. We pretty much had it under control, so I came up to check on you – I mean, McGonigal told me to. By the way, you guys all have detention every night next week"

The Marauders simply shrugged this off, it wasn't exactly unusual. James also found his voice. Running a hand through his hair, he said, "You left the battle field for me, Evans? I'm touched. And your concern for my welfare. Well-"he moved a little, producing another long suffering wince, "I'm doing okay. But you know, I'd be better if you could do just one little thing for me"

It really showed that Lily was genuinely worried about James that she walked right into that trick. "Well, what is it I can do, Potter?" she asked.

Remus groaned and rolled his eyes, just as James said, "Go out with me, Evans. It'd make me feel so much better"

Lily's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Is that all you can think about, Potter?"

"Well, if you can think of something better to do, you know I'm game" smirked James. Sirius grinned as Remus covered his face with his hand.

Lily's face blanched with anger. Tilting her head back, she turned towards the door, then looked back, "Prof. Flitwick will be up in a minute to confiscate your wands. A few people were injured and are being brought up here. No one is allowed wands" she said coldly.

"Thanks, Evans. And thanks for caring, I knew you did" grinned James, winking at her.

For a second, Lily just stared at him. Then, apparently deciding she really couldn't hex an injured boy, even Potter, she swept out of the Hospital Wing, muttering darkly to herself. The boys caught 'Prick' and 'Can't believe I felt guilty' before the door banged loudly behind her.

This time it was James who punched Sirius in the arm. "See, told you she cares. She just doesn't show it, yet" James was practically beaming.

"I never thought I'd say this, mate" Sirius looked pretty shocked, "but I think you might, just maybe, be right"

"I wonder why she felt guilty" Remus said, half to himself.

"Probably because I could have died thinking she hated me" said James.

"Yeah, probably" Remus replied absent-mindedly, staring at the door through which Lily had left. He looked very thoughtful.

Madame Pomfrey, having finally discovered James was awake, refused to let him leave the Hospital Wing until Monday morning. Apart from the boredom, James didn't complain. The first day, people kept coming in from the fight, sporting some unusual hex damage, and glaring at the Marauders. Well, the Slytherins glared, the Gryffindors came over to ask James if he was alright. And his friends stayed with him all of Sunday, thus giving them an excuse for having no homework done.

So Monday morning saw James, Sirius and Remus heading down to the dungeons for double potions. Because of an unfortunate distribution of House students in the potions class, when Slughorn announced that they would be working in fours to make a complicated poison antidote, Lily ended up with the three Marauders. She was still furious with James for making fun of her concern and would only talk to Remus. James spent the first 20mins of class, all through Slughorn's explanation, staring at Lily and the way the torch light caught her hair and how green her eyes were and....

James felt someone kick his stool and turned angrily to Sirius, who was sitting next to him. "What did you do that for?"

"Well, Prongs, because you're my mate, I thought it would only be fair that I tell you if you don't stop staring at Evans with that stupid look on your face, I'm going to throw this pickled frog at you" Sirius said all of this in a totally off-hand way, leaning back on his stool.

"What stupid look?" demanded James, "And anyway, I'm not even looking at her, so there"

"Oh, yeah?" smirked Sirius, ""What were you looking at then? And the stupid look is the same one you gave that Nimbus 1700 in Hogsmeade last week?"

"Whatever, Padfoot, you're just-" James was cut off by Remus pushing a note across the table at them. It read: 'Will you two stop talking and pay attention! This is really complicated and as I'm no good at potions, you're going to have to make it'

"Moony, passing notes in class?" said Sirius, in mock disbelief.

"Jeesh" replied James, "Maybe McGonigal was right – we are a bad influence on him"

Everyone started moving, as Slughorn had just told them to start their potions. James and Sirius stared at eachother blankly and then shrugged, deciding to leave Lily and Remus to gather the ingredients.

But as Lily came back from the store she saw them still sitting at the table and came over. "Look" she started, ignoring their slightly startled stares, "I didn't ask to work with you and I don't really care what you do. But you better pay attention, 'cause if you blow this potion up all over me, like the last one, I won't rest until I've poisoned both of you – got it?"

"Sure thing, Evans" James automatically answered, smiling, sort of, sincerely at her. Lily just scowled at him and returned to Remus by the store cupboard.

Sirius punched James in the arm, "You're such a suck-up round her, Prongs"

"I am not a suck-up!" shot back James, lowering his voice as Lily returned to the table, followed by Remus, and lit a fire under the cauldron.

"You so are!" said Sirius, "Yes, Evans, no Evans, three bags full Evans. Why don't you just ask her to marry you?"

"That's not a bad idea" James turned to Lily, "Hey Evans, will you marry me?"

The other three froze. Lily seemed stunned but Sirius found his tongue quickly, "Good Lord, Prongs, I was joking!"

Lily didn't seem to know what to do. Remus was watching her carefully. "Excuse me" she finally spluttered out.

"I asked you to marry me" said a totally unfazed James.

"I can see that!" snapped Lily, "I presume it's a joke" She was starting to get her composure back.

"No joke" replied James, "Say yes and we'll be married within the week. Pads can be best man"

"Cheers mate" cut in Sirius, smirking.

"Potter. The day I let Black anywhere near my wedding, let alone marry you, is the day hell freezes over" With that she turned her back on them and returned to their much neglected potion.

"Hmmm" mused James, "Moony, do you know a good freezing spell?"

"Not one that good, Prongs" smiled Remus, before joining Lily at the cauldron.

"Oh well mate" said Sirius, putting on a mock understanding face, "But hey, maybe she'll agree to marry you once she's actually agreed to date you"

"Shut up" smirked James, "Come on. We'd better do something with this potion. Do we add the pickled frog now?"

"I don't know, I was listening to you. Sure, throw it in. What difference does it make, it's all going in the same place"

"Isn't that your attitude to food?" grinned James as he walked over to the cauldron. He was just adding the frog when Lily noticed what he was doing.

"No!" she began but it was too late. With a minor explosion, by the Marauders standards, the sickly green poison antidote was everywhere. James, Lily, Sirius and Remus got the worst of it. They now all looked like they'd been swimming in the lake. James blinked, a little stunned as Prof. Slughorn came hurrying over.

"Whatever happened here?" he asked, staring at his best student.

"Nothing to worry about, Professor" James had found his cheeky grin, "We were just working on the big bang theory"

"Big bang theory?" Lily said in an extremely dangerous whisper, "Big bang theory?" Her voice rose a little higher, "I'll give you big bang theory, James Potter!" By now she was almost shouting.

The bell rang and the three Marauders were out the door so fast they could have disapporated.

**A/N: Lol, had to have some James annoying Lily, or what kinda Marauders fic would this be? There haven't been that many reviews for this – can I have some more? Please? Pretty please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey hey hey! So this is the second last chapter. The final one is an epilogue, explaining a few things and properly concluding the story. Hope you enjoy this one, and tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I should have done a standard one of these at the beginning of this story.**

Bang, bang – my baby shot me down

BANG!!

The noise ran through the Marauders dorm like an electric shock. Peter squeaked and there was a thump as he fell out of his bed. Sirius fell from his bed too, however, his fall was broken by a large pile of robes on the floor. James turned over really fast and Remus shot bolt upright.

"What the hell was that?!" James was now sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"Padfoot, did you leave your exploding alarm clock on?" accused Remus.

Sirius, from his position on the floor, reached under his bed and pulled out a very innocent looking alarm clock. "No" he replied, having examined the clock, "It's turned off"

BANG!!

All four boys jumped. Sirius dropped the alarm clock, which tinkled lightly.

"Moony, check outside" said James. Remus' bed was closest to the door, "See if someone else knows what it is"

Remus stepped outside and the door closed behind him. Just as it did another loud Bang! coursed through the room. Remus came back in. "Everyone else is asleep. No one seems to have heard it"

"Did you hear the bang just then?" asked Sirius.

"No" replied a confused Remus, "Was there one?"

Sirius and James looked at eachother, thoughtful expressions on their faces. "That" began James, "At least tells us that the noise is coming from in here"

"I smell a rat" stated Sirius, only to add "No offence, Wormtail" at Peter's affronted exclamation.

"I do too" James was climbing out of bed, "Unless it's something we have here in the room-"

"Which is quite likely" cut in Remus.

"Then we have been pranked" finished James, ignoring his friend.

"No one would dare come in here" Sirius was also up, grabbing a jumper.

"Ninety nine percent chance it's something we own" stated Remus, who's sentence was punctuated by another loud explosion.

"Well, then, whichever it is – we have to find it" James said with conviction, already opening the truck at the end of his bed.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

It was around seven when the first Gryffindor boys started to make their way down from their dorms. When they got to the door of the sixth year dorm, however, they found the stairs blocked. The door to the room was open and all sorts of things seemed to spilled out of the space. A duvet took up most of the area around the door, held down at one corner by a toppled pile of books. A small bedside table stood down the stairs a little, it's drawer pulled open and left awry. Several smaller objects occupied what space was left. An alarm clock was tinkling of it's own accord, while a waste paper basket smoked gently beside it.

Some of the boys looked into the dorm interestedly, as the Marauders were well known for never letting anyone in, while others walked past quickly, not wanting to know what was going on. But down in the common room was an even stranger sight. The four Marauders, all in different stages between dressed in robes and bed clothes, were stretched out by the cold fire. James was on a couch, wearing pyjama bottoms and a rumpled shirt, his hair in even more of a mess then usual. His head was lolling to one side on the arm rest, and his arm had fallen off the cushions to rest on Remus' head. Remus was in full robes, sitting with his back propped up against the couch, his head against the seat. Occasionally he would sniffle and swat at James' hand, dangling by his face. Peter, still in his pyjamas, had his head and arms resting on the small table beside them, his back bent over as he sat on the floor. His hair was falling into his eyes. Sirius was lying, face down, on the floor, in front of the other three. A cushion was under his head, while the jumper he was wearing was rumbled up around his chest. All four were dead to the world. Well, they were until a certain red headed prefect arrived from the girls' dormitories.

"What are you lot doing?!" Lily had her hands on her hips and spoke loudly enough to wake the boys.

Sirius' head jerked up, but seeing who it was, he simply closed his eyes again. Remus jerked awake, falling from his sitting position to land on the floor. Peter's head rose a little before, like Sirius, he simply returned to lying down. James sat up, looking blearily at Lily.

"Sweetness" He rubbed a fist into his eyes, talking around a yawn "Did we over sleep?"

Lily looked more annoyed than ever, quite a feat, "What are you lot doing sleeping in the common room? It's not a half way house!"

Remus intervened before James could make the girl apoplectic, "We had a little, um, _trouble_ with our dorm, Lily, and we couldn't fix it in the middle of the night, so we had to sleep down here. I'm sorry"

Lily's face softened slightly towards Remus, who had purple lines under his eyes at the best of times, but right now looked ready to drop, "No, I'm sorry Remus, you shouldn't have lost sleep" Remus gave her a questioning look, but didn't investigate any further, occupying himself instead, with the task of getting his three friends back up to the, no explosion free, dorm, and ready for class.

The Marauders skipped breakfast to get everything back into their room, slept through much of the morning classes, even Remus, and didn't feel up to conferencing until lunch time. One o'clock found them by the Lake, food in napkins, discussing who to punish for this crime against them.

"Well" Sirius opened the conversation, "Though I'm loath to say it, I don't really think a Slytherin could get into our dorm, which leaves us with the unpleasant reality that a Gryffindor, a fellow house mate, committed this atrocity, this unspeakable crime, this-"

"Alright, mate" cut in James, shoving a slice of bread into his friend's mouth, and repositioning himself against the tree he was using as a seat back, "Dramatics aside" he looked pointedly at Sirius, who simply munched on the bread, "Pads is right. This had to have been an inside job-"

"Maybe the Slytherins got a poor, unknowing Gryffindor and converted them to the dark side"

Remus looked bemusedly as Sirius before commenting to no one in particular, "Someday I'd love to now how his mind works"

James cleared his throat pointedly, got a fake apologetic look from Remus and continued "As I was saying, it had to have been an inside job. The question is, who did it?"

"Well, I think we should start with Padfoot's ex-girlfriends – there's been a few less then happy to be dumped"

"Excuse me" Sirius looked affronted at Remus, "I will have you know that _all _my ex-girlfriends were unhappy to be dumped. But I don't think any of them are really up to this kind of masterminded plan"

James nodded, "Yeah, there's none of them top of the class, you have pretty low standards"

"Yeah sure" Sirius threw a piece of ham at his best friend, "'Cause your obsessive pursuit of the one girl in the school who truly loathes you is _so _healthy and mature"

"You two stop it" Remus took control before a food fight could begin, "I suppose you're right about the girls, so if you want to know who it is, just do some quiet investigation. But I think we should just drop it" Despite his friends' cries of outrage and demands for explanations, Remus refused to give a reason for his lack of participation in the man hunt. And after three and a half months of detective work, subtle bribes and not-so-subtle intimidation, the other three were forced to give up as well, though they didn't do so with good grace.

**A/N: Heehee, so there's just the epilogue to go – check out little Harry in the last chappy. And as always, do drop me a line and tell me what you think. Last chapter will probably be next Friday. See you then!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: And so we have come to the end – how sad! Yes, indeed, this is the epilogue, where all will be revealed, and a conclusion shall be presented. You know I think I'm in a weird righting mood. Is it just me or did what I just say sound weird? Anyway, not important. Read, enjoy!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I don't know it, I don't like it – wait, that's not right!**

The conclusion to the illusion

"And that, Harry, is the only time we ever failed to find a culprit – only that once, never again" James punctuated the end of the story by tickling his six month old son under the chin, making the boy squeal in delight.

It was a merry scene to be found in the Potters' small sitting room. A Christmas tree, bedecked with trinkets and flickering candles, stood in one corner, a fire roaring in the hearth. James sat on the floor, Harry in his lap, and Sirius lazing beside him. Remus and Lily were both relaxing on the couch, behind the three black haired boys. The adults had glasses of wine, while Harry was chewing on a rubber chicken (a gift from Sirius to 'help him cut teeth') and looking raptly at his father with big green eyes.

Sirius sat up a little, snatching the boy from his father, and lifting him into the air, eliciting more squeals, "Yes, Harry, and the moral of the story is that you should always make pre-emptive strikes-"

"Sirius!" Lily refrained from hitting him on the head as he was holding the child, but did send him _the look_, which he ignored, blowing raspberries at Harry instead, "You obviously learnt nothing from that experience, I should have-" Here she cut off, realising what she'd just said.

Remus was the quickest to cotton on, "I knew it was you!" he shouted, pointing a finger at her, "I knew it!" Lily had gone red.

The rest of the room had different reactions. James, having realised what Remus meant, was staring at his wife with a look that would have been appropriate if she had cheated on him with Voldemort. Sirius had frozen in place, a mixture of betrayal and pride flitting across his face. Harry made a grab for his godfather's finger and hit him on the head with the rubber chicken, cooing all the while.

Lily tilted her chin, ignoring her burning cheeks, "Well, what if it was? The lesson did you guys no harm, though it doesn't seem to have lasted" She looked pointedly at Sirius, before turning to Remus, "I am sorry you got dragged into it though Remus. You four rather came as a package deal, but I didn't really want you to suffer" Remus just smiled as James found his voice.

"Sorry for him?!" he exclaimed, "I got punched off my broom – I could have died!" Harry laughed.

Lily did look a little ashamed at that, but still remained defiant, "Well, how was I suppose to know you were going to decide it was the Slytherin Quidditch team, and then start a riot at a game?"

"And it was you who had that banging going on in our dorm?" asked Sirius, holding Harry, who was still trying to hit him, away from his head.

Lily nodded, not meeting anyone's eye, "It was a pretty simple charm, I had a free period when you guys were all in class. Though you know, I paid for that one as well"

"What do you mean?" asked Remus.

"I got attacked by a scarf going in the door, it tried to strangle me!"

The boys looked at eachother for a minute, then all three burst out laughing. Harry gladly gurgled along with the merriment. James was the first to recover enough to speak, "Oh love" he chuckled, reaching up to take her hand and kiss it, "I'd forgotten that little security guard we put in. But why did you do it? The pranks I mean" he added as she looked questioning.

"Oh" she glanced at Remus, "Well, you see, I figured out about Remus being, you know, a werewolf" she glanced at him again. He was feigning indifference, but the people in the room knew him too well.

"Here" Sirius thrust the baby into his friend's arms, "Feel the Harry love!" At this prompt, Harry performed the trick his godfather had taught him, putting his little arms around Remus' neck and snuggling into him. Remus' face softened, and Sirius looked triumphant, "Work's every time – continue Lily"

Lily looked bemused, but did continue, "Well, yeah, so I finally understood about you guys, you know? The secrets, the disappearances, and it kinda made me think, if you were willing to be such good friends to Remus, then maybe you weren't the totally terrible people I thought you were" The boys just looked confused. She sighed, and looked pointedly at James, "I didn't think you were a totally horrible person any more, get it?" Some shaking heads, another sigh, "I was starting to not totally hate you, as in I was beginning to maybe like you, a little"

James still looked very nonplussed, "You pranked us because you were starting to like me?" Sirius began to laugh hysterically, causing James to glare at him, "What?!"

"Sorry mate!" Sirius coughed, trying to curb his chuckles, "It's just – she seems to have employed the same tactics for romance as you did. Annoy the other person as much as possible and hope they fall for you! You're well matched!" At this he once more dissolved into laughter, Remus joining him.

James gave them a haughty look, then turned back to Lily, "I still don't get it, lovely"

Lily seemed to grappling with a good way to explain, "Well, I was starting to like you right?" James nodded, "But that didn't mean I approved of the way you treated other people. I still thought you needed a taste of your own medicine, and I thought, you know, we were heading towards seventh year, and if I really started to like you then I wouldn't be able to do anything to you, so this was kinda my last chance" She tucked a stray curl behind her ear, "It was just supposed to be the green hair, but then you made me so mad in the Hospital wing, and in Potions class, and I just had to get you back once more" She took James' hand back into her own, "I am sorry, honey, a little at least"

James grinned, and looked over at his friends, "Well, this just confirms what I always knew"

Remus frowned, "What's that, James?"

The young man kissed his wife's hand once more, smiling up at her, "Lily Evans was always meant to join the Marauders!"

**A/N: So what'd think? Come on people. Harry Potter fans are always the ones you can rely on to review, don't let the side down! And thinks to everyone who did review, or read this. It's been a pleasure and I do hope you enjoyed yourselves!**


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